Charleston Road Trip, March 2010
A 'different' way of life.
For me, a born and bred Yankee, visiting any state in the South is often met with amazement and confusion. Once that Mason-Dixon line has been crossed and is solidly behind me, I feel more out of my element by every passing mile. People often question my thinking by saying, "It's not really that different, the people are just nicer."
I disagree.
The entire idea of human state changes. Now, this is not to offend or otherwise harm the feelings of our southern brethren. But consider these examples:
The Rest-Area Incident
Traveling down I-77, deep in the heart of North Carolina, we stop at a state-run rest area; a very nice facility I might add. Upon entering the men's room, I am confronted with something men do not often encounter in the restroom: a line.
As I'm waiting my turn, I start noticing a lack of interest in the stalls. Not wanting to jump the line and otherwise violate the Man Bathroom Code, I patiently pass the time observing the ceramic tile on the wall. When I reach the front of the line, I head for a stall, no need to wait for a urinal. I do my thing and exit the facility.
As I'm walking out, another hapless traveler is #2 in line, right behind a native example. We'll call him Jethro. Poor hapless traveler, seeing me vacate the stall, suggests to Jethro that he perhaps he should use the stall, to speed things along. Jethro bellows his discontentment at this, in a puzzling statement that sort of exemplified the root cause of the line in the first place. I quote exactly:
"The TOY-LET?? Well only GIRLIE MEN pee in the TOY-LET"
I suppose he has a bush inside his trailer that he uses
The Charleston Native
The main focus of the trip was to spend a few days in Charleston, SC. On the surface, it appears to be a normal city, with commerce, a historic section, and a ghetto. But remember the history, and dig a little deeper, and one finds that this may very well be the epicenter of Southernism. Not just in contempt for the North, but also in a much more stereotypical fasion. Consider this native we met.
He lives on the outskirts of Charleston and works in a tourist trap. Through painful conversation, I learn that he also has a paper route. And a 1992 Toyota with a moon roof. The relevance of these facts is not immediately apparent, until the following story comes to light. Be sure to read it with a southern drawl.
"So I'm out driving in my 1992 Toyota with the moonroof... and you know, out where I live there's lots of trees. And you know what lives in the trees, is deer. So I'm in the 1992 Toyota with the moonroof open, out driving on my paper route. It's early, you know, like five a.m... I'm on my paper route. And this deer, he jumps right out in front of me. Now my 1992 Toyota is a small car, but it just doesn't stop that fast. I tried to stop but hit the deer anyways... so the deer he flips up onto my hood, does a 360 right in the air and lands on the roof. Now, you know, my 1992 Toyota has the moonroof open, and would you believe one of the deer's legs comes right in through the moonroof... and hits me in the head! I was lucky, though... that deer he could have ended up right in the car next to me... and that's not a place you want to be, you know, in a car with a live deer.
You can't make this stuff up.
Updated: Sunday, March 21, 2010
Charleston, SC
The mansions and cemeteries of Charleston, South Carolina, on a beautiful March weekend.
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Magnolia Plantation
Just outside the city limits of Charleston, SC, lie several relics of the Great South. Among them, Magnolia Plantation, a former rice plantation. Now showcasing beautiful gardens and a full access swamp tour, visiting the Plantation is a rather interesting way to spend an afternoon.
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